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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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ambrz

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ambrz
  • Town/Country : San Francisco, California, US
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 21 July 1993 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1033
  • Number of comments : 94
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About ambrz : I'm amber :)

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Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

#16016307 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (29189) - you deserved it (7287)

On 05/02/2011 at 4:34am - intimacy - by ohtheshame -

Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML

#16015656 (331)

I agree, your life sucks (8043) - you deserved it (36055)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:39am - misc - by ChrissySoltys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML

#15948281 (402)

I agree, your life sucks (53674) - you deserved it (5476)

On 04/27/2011 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

#13998291 (90)

I agree, your life sucks (21824) - you deserved it (9510)

On 11/27/2010 at 10:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my swim coach had me swim a 400 meter freestyle. Feeling a little sick near the end, I lifted my head to breathe, then burped, and threw up violently all in the pool. All my team mates screamed horrified running out of the pool, and now they have to drain it. I was told not to come back. FML

#13855888 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (20020) - you deserved it (2373)

On 11/15/2010 at 7:19pm - health - by grlzze444 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML

#13083024 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (25982) - you deserved it (27684)

On 09/17/2010 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML

#13027296 (264)

I agree, your life sucks (30131) - you deserved it (4183)

On 09/12/2010 at 10:29pm - intimacy - by nickim756 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

#12975254 (299)

I agree, your life sucks (25765) - you deserved it (2611)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML

#12973891 (224)

I agree, your life sucks (6912) - you deserved it (21939)

On 09/09/2010 at 6:01am - misc - by myles bevan - United Kingdom

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

#12949707 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (23793) - you deserved it (2164)

On 09/07/2010 at 3:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was chosen out of 64 women to model for the catalog of a new clothing store. Just when my self-confidence took a dramatic boost, I looked at the evaluation sheet. I was picked due to attributes such as my "extra large figure and average face" to make below average women feel beautiful. FML

#12805582 (152)

I agree, your life sucks (18864) - you deserved it (2717)

On 08/29/2010 at 1:51pm - misc - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States

Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML

#12797792 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (20122) - you deserved it (3229)

On 08/29/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Matt - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the girl I like sent me a Facebook message telling me how the message I left on her phone was one of the funniest drunk dials she's ever gotten. I'm debating whether or not I should tell her that I don't drink. FML

#12793954 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (19984) - you deserved it (2492)

On 08/28/2010 at 9:36pm - love - by 713 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was really hot in my house so I pulled my shorts down so I was just in my boxers. My family and I were watching tv and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly tried to pull my shorts back up, my penis flipped out of my boxers. FML

#12792346 (215)

I agree, your life sucks (26051) - you deserved it (15685)

On 08/28/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Sicko - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

#12786707 (344)

I agree, your life sucks (22332) - you deserved it (3905)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:19pm - love - by doesntkissalot - United States (Florida)