About ambiversion : Hello! I'm an awkward, musical, self-contained individual from Scotland, where it's quite cold with 99.9% chance of rain. I like it here. My favourite colour is green, but I think they're all wonderful. "I can make any kind of balloon animal, as long as it's a worm... or a snake..."
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ambiversion's favorite FMLs
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
by todaddy / 05/23/2014 at 3:32pm / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML
by notgoodwitholdpeople / 05/23/2014 at 12:00pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by ashlan / 05/22/2014 at 8:54pm / United States / Work
Today, I collected my students' final essays. One of them submitted a printout of a screenshot he took with his phone. Too bad a browser address bar was still in the shot, along with a "click to read more" link at the bottom. My students are too dumb and lazy to even plagiarize properly. FML
by What am I doing with my life? / 05/22/2014 at 12:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML
by ForgottenSarahMarshall / 05/22/2014 at 1:51am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that just because my roommate doesn't buy alcohol, it doesn't mean she isn't stealing mine and slowly replacing it with water. That bottle cost me $150 and was destined to be a present for my best friend, whom I haven't seen in years. FML
by NoMoreMeatForAYear / 05/21/2014 at 5:23pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML
by HouseWife / 05/20/2014 at 10:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, while lifeguarding, I slipped and fell from my chair and onto the cement. Embarrassed and actually quite hurt, I tried to climb back up to the chair, but it tipped. I fell half onto the cement half into the pool, just before the chair landed on top of me. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2014 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous
by her mom raised her / 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm / Mexico / Kids
by creepyyy / 05/17/2014 at 12:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
by Anonymous / 05/17/2014 at 12:02pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm / United States / Love
by fuck florida / 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML
by Anonyme / 05/16/2014 at 3:55am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals