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alvarny

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alvarny
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1044
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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alvarny's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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alvarny's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

#14512160
458 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66239) - you deserved it (3485)

On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML

#14234444
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32244) - you deserved it (2953)

On 12/17/2010 at 11:05am - intimacy - by biblewanker - Australia

Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML

#14228543
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37399) - you deserved it (4364)

On 12/16/2010 at 9:23pm - misc - by carson28 - United States (California)

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104486) - you deserved it (14017)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

#13937569
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31421) - you deserved it (7381)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by painfulintercourse - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

#13937046
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24057) - you deserved it (2019)

On 11/22/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by unexpected_failure (man) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

#13927798
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14243) - you deserved it (37882)

On 11/21/2010 at 6:43pm - intimacy - by sydysyd (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

#2275729
721 comments

I agree, your life sucks (248814) - you deserved it (111440)

On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

#1815627
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (398030) - you deserved it (52932)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

#574471
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (234967) - you deserved it (40088)

On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
515 comments

I agree, your life sucks (227327) - you deserved it (29243)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)



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