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alvarny

Offline (the 08/09/2014 at 11:02pm) | Search for a member

alvarny

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 1425
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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alvarny's page activity

Visits<b>stupidioter</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 8:15pm<b>noncomposmentis</b> - the 03/31/2011 at 2:53pm

alvarny's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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alvarny's favorite FMLs

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

#19158287
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9399) - you deserved it (31691)

On 02/25/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by ashleynicolle (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

#19152486
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25571) - you deserved it (5095)

On 02/24/2012 at 7:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

#19102316
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26249) - you deserved it (3508)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

#19101039
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24172) - you deserved it (1690)

On 02/17/2012 at 3:43pm - health - by Anon - United States

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

#19088946
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15761) - you deserved it (29107)

On 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML

#18984075
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36493) - you deserved it (4475)

On 02/03/2012 at 1:29pm - animals - by deadhamster - United States

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

#18976383
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31153) - you deserved it (6949)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by Mrs. Man (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

#18976293
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17260) - you deserved it (21785)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - India

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

#18973351
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35160) - you deserved it (3415)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:35pm - money - by zobara - Switzerland

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

#18967800
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55073) - you deserved it (4232)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

#18966203
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24756) - you deserved it (5283)

On 02/01/2012 at 1:13am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

#18964784
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42395) - you deserved it (3720)

On 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm - misc - by sorrygrandma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted: "Nice to meet your dad, hope we didn't look too heated." A few minutes later, he replied: "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

#18961404
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25696) - you deserved it (8806)

On 01/31/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by B - Netherlands

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

#18959231
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21421) - you deserved it (3774)

On 01/31/2012 at 6:07am - health - by Arielle (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30875) - you deserved it (4969)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States



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