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alvarny

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alvarny

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  • Number of visits : 2226
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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alvarny's page activity

Visits<b>peace3281</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 9:39pm<b>stupidioter</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 8:15pm<b>noncomposmentis</b> - the 03/31/2011 at 2:53pm

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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alvarny's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

#19196549
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8477) - you deserved it (52975) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/01/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by BadIdea - France

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

#19174199
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37063) - you deserved it (5494)

On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

#19158287
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9467) - you deserved it (31919)

On 02/25/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by ashleynicolle (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

#19158287
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9467) - you deserved it (31919)

On 02/25/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by ashleynicolle (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

#19152486
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26833) - you deserved it (5270)

On 02/24/2012 at 7:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

#19102316
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26492) - you deserved it (3525)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

#19101039
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24374) - you deserved it (1702)

On 02/17/2012 at 3:43pm - health - by Anon - United States

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

#19088946
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15860) - you deserved it (29271)

On 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML

#18984075
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36722) - you deserved it (4484)

On 02/03/2012 at 1:29pm - animals - by deadhamster - United States

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

#18976383
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32972) - you deserved it (7143)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by Mrs. Man (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

#18976293
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17357) - you deserved it (21953)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - India

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

#18973351
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36536) - you deserved it (3545)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:35pm - money - by zobara - Switzerland

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

#18967800
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57901) - you deserved it (4458)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

#18966203
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26134) - you deserved it (5450)

On 02/01/2012 at 1:13am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

#18964784
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43496) - you deserved it (3808)

On 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm - misc - by sorrygrandma - United States (Pennsylvania)



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