Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

alvarny

Offline (the 10/05/2014 at 1:08am) | Search for a member

alvarny

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1517
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

alvarny's page activity

Visits<b>stupidioter</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 8:15pm<b>noncomposmentis</b> - the 03/31/2011 at 2:53pm

alvarny's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of alvarny's badges

alvarny's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML

#19348901
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23333) - you deserved it (3555)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by iamnotalawyer (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my grandmother's funeral there was a fight about inheritance. It was my teenage daughters arguing about what they get when I die. FML

#19337842
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24479) - you deserved it (2571)

On 03/24/2012 at 9:20am - kids - by thammer - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

#19336672
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27814) - you deserved it (10498)

On 03/24/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by purple - United States (Texas)

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

#19319555
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21509) - you deserved it (6709)

On 03/21/2012 at 8:21am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

#19279551
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34296) - you deserved it (2478)

On 03/14/2012 at 10:01pm - misc - by CallaC (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML

#19275863
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21803) - you deserved it (3837)

On 03/14/2012 at 2:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML

#19250410
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35790) - you deserved it (5273)

On 03/10/2012 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

#19249399
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22899) - you deserved it (18522)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

#19239456
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14419) - you deserved it (50016)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brew master at a beer company. FML

#19226913
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31171) - you deserved it (1927)

On 03/06/2012 at 12:05pm - work - by sdk2010 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brew master at a beer company. FML

#19226913
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31171) - you deserved it (1927)

On 03/06/2012 at 12:05pm - work - by sdk2010 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21553) - you deserved it (27207)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

#19196549
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8420) - you deserved it (52732) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/01/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by BadIdea - France

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

#19174199
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35051) - you deserved it (5315)

On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

#19158287
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9418) - you deserved it (31720)

On 02/25/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by ashleynicolle (woman) - United States (Arkansas)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: