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almostkilledme

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almostkilledme

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 542
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About almostkilledme : What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!

almostkilledme's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 11:20pm

almostkilledme's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

almostkilledme's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

#15693395
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11851) - you deserved it (49211)

On 04/08/2011 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

#15683687
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23537) - you deserved it (3616)

On 04/07/2011 at 7:28pm - misc - by ihateseagulls (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

#15604755
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36971) - you deserved it (3094)

On 04/02/2011 at 12:44pm - love - by Jon (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend called me at work to tell me that someone had hit my motorcycle and that it was in pretty bad shape. I chuckled and waited for the "April fools" that would follow. A picture of my wrecked bike came instead. FML

#15589455
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34731) - you deserved it (3359)

On 04/01/2011 at 1:50pm - misc - by Username - United States (Missouri)

Today, I caught my boyfriend secretly using my hair straightener while I was in the other room. Too embarrassed to talk to him about it, I left and came back later, only to discover him slipping on a pair of my panties. FML

#15588696
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47052) - you deserved it (7608)

On 04/01/2011 at 11:55am - misc - by WTF? - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

#15583575
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25185) - you deserved it (32261)

On 04/01/2011 at 12:32am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

#15546300
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69984) - you deserved it (9649)

On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46173) - you deserved it (15422)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

#15538339
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33388) - you deserved it (4812)

On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

#15531816
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42041) - you deserved it (6215)

On 03/28/2011 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Macedonia (Struga)

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

#15528931
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27995) - you deserved it (54318) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/28/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by Danou - Sent from mobile version

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

#15510596
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28518) - you deserved it (9877)

On 03/27/2011 at 6:06am - animals - by StinkyDogs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML

#15493619
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30600) - you deserved it (15654)

On 03/26/2011 at 2:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

#15448080
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34537) - you deserved it (10810)

On 03/23/2011 at 12:21pm - animals - by Username - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

#4630669
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113244) - you deserved it (8504)

On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States



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