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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20229) - you deserved it (1226)
On 08/21/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16738) - you deserved it (2069)
On 08/21/2012 at 9:04am - animals - by jenA - United States (Kentucky)
Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12496) - you deserved it (6236)
On 08/19/2012 at 10:19pm - animals - by speshlk37 (man) - United States
Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38137) - you deserved it (2636)
On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22001) - you deserved it (1443)
On 08/18/2012 at 3:49am - misc - by sneaky1324 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48956) - you deserved it (2183)
On 08/18/2012 at 1:09am - misc - by Just_Me_88 - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16661) - you deserved it (1104)
On 08/16/2012 at 8:22pm - health - by rainbows? more like shitstorms (man) - United States
Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20467) - you deserved it (1119)
On 08/16/2012 at 6:36pm - misc - by Samantha (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25161) - you deserved it (2211)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by itwasmyfavoriteshirt - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my mother screamed at my boyfriend, calling him an "evil piece of self-centred trash". He's a sweet guy who does volunteer work for kids with learning difficulties. She's a bitter, passive-aggressive telemarketer who constantly harasses her own family with sales calls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19704) - you deserved it (192)
On 08/13/2012 at 11:20am - love - by millie219 (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)
Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16697) - you deserved it (1978)
On 08/10/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by banana2894 - United States (Oregon)
Today, I received my best compliment of the year so far when an ER doctor commented positively on the clarity of my urine sample. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12999) - you deserved it (1301)
On 07/30/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25388) - you deserved it (4108)
On 07/23/2012 at 3:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17761) - you deserved it (889)
On 07/22/2012 at 12:50am - work - by c - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8841) - you deserved it (31177)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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