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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I received my first ever hand-job. It would have been great if she didn't wipe it across my face when I had finished and storm out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19098) - you deserved it (3858)
On 11/14/2012 at 4:06am - intimacy - by fuzz94 (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15841) - you deserved it (1633)
On 11/06/2012 at 3:27pm - animals - by creedonfied - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16587) - you deserved it (2075)
On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States
Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17440) - you deserved it (3147)
On 10/14/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by stop it ninja - United States (Virginia)
Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17735) - you deserved it (4046)
On 10/13/2012 at 2:35am - animals - by afraidtosleep - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20697) - you deserved it (3456)
On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12071) - you deserved it (222)
On 09/30/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by what the fuck, mate (man) - Australia
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7992) - you deserved it (30525)
On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25970) - you deserved it (1611)
On 09/27/2012 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by linn (woman) - United States
Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15528) - you deserved it (8255)
On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24217) - you deserved it (1496)
On 09/20/2012 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by MistressSuzuka (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I went for my follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He walked into the room and said, "I thought you died." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20125) - you deserved it (1040)
On 09/17/2012 at 7:25am - health - by Missusluv313 (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about being super heroes. He said I could be "The Period" because I'm a bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13439) - you deserved it (5974)
On 08/25/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had to give my boyfriend an enema. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13789) - you deserved it (1680)
On 08/24/2012 at 1:21am - health - by coop7291 - United States
Today, I packed my bags and left for the airport. When I passed through security, the X-ray scanner discovered that my cat had also come along for the ride. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18051) - you deserved it (2085) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Monday 20 May 2013
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