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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought me a cat to help start my "inevitable collection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38494) - you deserved it (4863)
On 05/07/2013 at 4:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46642) - you deserved it (5743)
On 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by a tad whipped (man) - Australia
Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37550) - you deserved it (11640) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/14/2013 at 7:18pm - misc - by NiquetChrome (woman) - France
Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54973) - you deserved it (3080)
On 04/12/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by too young for this (woman) - United States
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40600) - you deserved it (4301)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57577) - you deserved it (1857)
Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26876) - you deserved it (5218)
On 03/22/2013 at 8:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42942) - you deserved it (11038)
On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42942) - you deserved it (11038)
On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States
Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32143) - you deserved it (3601)
On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35873) - you deserved it (3623)
On 03/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nopanties (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38100) - you deserved it (4754)
On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35656) - you deserved it (4833)
On 03/03/2013 at 7:17am - intimacy - by Ihatemylife (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)
Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25319) - you deserved it (2072)
On 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm - misc - by jkbeynon - United States (California)
Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish bi-product. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24870) - you deserved it (2684)
On 02/11/2013 at 10:48am - animals - by firestar772 - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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