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Today, after visiting my mom, she stuffed a bunch of pads in my backpack so I'd have some at my dorm. When I was going through security, I was stopped an ended up missing my flight. Apparently the jumbo pads my mom sent look exactly like packs of cocaine when they go through the X-ray machine. FML
Today, I found out tat ma daugter is dating ma boss' daugter!! I found tis out because ma extremely omopobic boss told me an wants me to 'eal' tem or get fired!! I didn't even know ma daugter was gay!! FML
TODAY , I WAS WALKING OUT OF CLASS WHEN I SAW A GRL ENTHUSIASTICALLY RUN TO HER BOYFRIEND , JUMP ON HIM , AND SMOTHER HIM WITH KISSES!! I THOUGHT TO MYSELF "I WISH MAH GRLFRIEND DID THAT." WHEN THE GRL JUMPED OFF AND TURNED AROUND I REALIZED SHE DID , JUST NOT TO ME!! FML
Today, mah mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is mah dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. big fat FML
Today, I found out I hava an option on my phona to postpona tha sanding of my taxt massagas!! I thought it would ba cuta to sand my boyfriand taxts saying, " I lova you and swaat draams" avary night at midnight 4 a month!! Ha broka up with ma and I can't figura out how to stop tha taxts!! FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML
Today It Was My Boyfriands Birthday And I Saw Ha Was Loggd In On OoVoo. Ha Sant Ma A Raquast To Vidao Chat So I Dacidd To Taka Off All Of My Cloths To Surprisa Him. Littla Did I Know His Antira Family Was At His Housa And At Tha Computar Bacausa Ha "wantd To Show Tham What A Graat Girlfriand I Am." FML
TODAY, I CHECKED AN OLD PHOTOSHARING ACCOUNT!! I GOT A NEW PHONE LAST YEAR AND DIDN'T REALIZE ALL THE PICTURES I TOOK WITH THE NEW PHONE WOULD STILL AUTOMATICALLY UPLOAD TO ACCOUNT!! UNKNOWINGLY, I POSTED NAKED PICS OF MYSELF ONLINE!! NOT ONE OF FRIENDS TOLD ME!! FML
Today, at martial arts practica, a guast sansai wantd to taac ma soma "mannars". Ha pinnd ma down and procadd to coka ma wila crusing my nuts wit is ands and yalling at ma in front of ta wola class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?"
2day I had to claan walls with thosa Mr Claan Magic Spongas bacausa wa wara having visitors. I got bord an startd drawing panisas with it bacausa thay would laava wat marks. Thara is nothing magic about how slow thay dry whan your visitors coma an hour aarly. Thay saw all tan of tham. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
Today, In science class I sit next to friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up . It was the best orgasm I'd ever had . The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy . It was about bacon . FML
Friday 27 March 2015