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allisadawn91

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allisadawn91

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 21 April 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 342
  • Number of comments : 129
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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allisadawn91's page activity

Visits<b>heartsbball13</b> - the 12/22/2013 at 4:44pm<b>JayElleBee</b> - the 05/19/2013 at 5:09pm<b>1PersonIsMyWorld</b> - the 05/08/2013 at 1:50am<b>gary3768</b> - the 05/07/2013 at 11:22pm<b>RpiesSPIES</b> - the 05/07/2013 at 11:12pm<b>WhimsicalMusings</b> - the 11/07/2012 at 12:56pm

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An insomniac or a creature of the dark

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allisadawn91's favorite FMLs

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

#20937985
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45676) - you deserved it (12406)

On 10/29/2013 at 2:57pm - health - by Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39214) - you deserved it (6489)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

#20855277
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42499) - you deserved it (3420)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by ocdistheworst (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

#20855163
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48072) - you deserved it (4821)

On 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by Miami6and3 - United States (California)

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56926) - you deserved it (4071)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

#20625733
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38467) - you deserved it (23520)

On 04/27/2013 at 6:05pm - work - by naps aren't what they used to be (man) - United States

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43925) - you deserved it (8324)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52359) - you deserved it (11852)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

#20545240
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43421) - you deserved it (5352)

On 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by butnotlikethat (woman) - China (Jiangxi)

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

#20490478
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22144) - you deserved it (34414)

On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

#20473479
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37687) - you deserved it (2379)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm - kids - by Female (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

#20472693
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30993) - you deserved it (4455)

On 01/22/2013 at 3:09am - love - by deflower (man) - United States (California)

Today, I dragged my boyfriend to see Les Misérables with me. He now refuses to communicate with me through any medium other than singing. Apparently, this is his revenge. FML

#20471580
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15356) - you deserved it (45046)

On 01/21/2013 at 4:39pm - love - by lesson.learned (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

#20470929
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48265) - you deserved it (5832)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)



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