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alliewillie

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alliewillie

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  • Number of visits : 18178
  • Number of comments : 251
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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alliewillie's page activity

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alliewillie's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of alliewillie's badges

alliewillie's favorite FMLs

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64952) - you deserved it (8586)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my husband told his mom that she can move in with us once his time in the army is over. We are moving into my house, and he didn't think it was important to run it by me first. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53305) - you deserved it (9119)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

#20925494
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55012) - you deserved it (5206)

On 10/18/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by O-|---<=~ (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

#20918730
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21648) - you deserved it (81655)

On 10/13/2013 at 10:38am - love - by not getting laid - United States (Texas)

Today, the creepy regular customer found out I was lying about having a boyfriend in order to keep him away. He now thinks this is me playing hard to get. FML

#20916055
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41154) - you deserved it (4627)

On 10/11/2013 at 2:09am - work - by Itsnotmeitsyou (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend won a diamond engagement ring through a citywide competition. Instead of proposing to me, he's selling it. FML

#20913492
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45090) - you deserved it (15256)

On 10/09/2013 at 3:03am - love - by arthise (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

#20910165
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49665) - you deserved it (13326)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Sleepy head - United States

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57228) - you deserved it (3382)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51985) - you deserved it (7215)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to pizza hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

#20903132
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45578) - you deserved it (3581)

On 10/01/2013 at 8:32am - love - by hmmm (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

#20901637
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52513) - you deserved it (2509)

On 09/30/2013 at 4:04am - kids - by meens42 - United States

Today, I finally handed my girlfriend a portrait of her. I'm not the best drawer, but I spent weeks on it and I thought it turned out pretty good. When she looked at it, she asked what kind of dog was it. FML

#20900272
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41937) - you deserved it (4938)

On 09/29/2013 at 9:00am - love - by Laserbeaver (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

#20898640
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59242) - you deserved it (3991)

On 09/28/2013 at 12:08am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was cutting a client's hair, and she was complaining about how itchy her head was from having it too long. As I lay down my comb and shears, three lice bugs ran across my counter. FML



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