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alliewillie's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
alliewillie's favorite FMLs
Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML
by Anonymous / 08/07/2015 at 1:31pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML
by ruserious / 08/07/2015 at 7:24am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to take a drugs test at work. Later, I found out it was my fiancé's mother who called our hotline. Her reason: I work till 6 pm, her "baby" should eat before that, but he can't cook, so I should quit my job. He is 35. And he thinks I should apologize for upsetting her at dinner. FML
by Dobche / 08/06/2015 at 7:16am / Bulgaria (Burgas) / Work
by Lonely School Kid / 07/30/2015 at 6:35pm / Canada / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/30/2015 at 3:29pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML
by jlmbull / 07/28/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by Oopsie / 07/28/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by dirtbikeguy / 07/23/2015 at 9:05am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly stumbled through the door making out the whole time. I thought that the situation couldn't get worse, but then my Dad asked me if I had a condom they could use. FML
by oil300 / 07/22/2015 at 10:34pm / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy
Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2015 at 7:52am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML
by father-in-nope / 07/21/2015 at 11:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by wtf did he do / 07/19/2015 at 5:02am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never… Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember… Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck…