Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

alliewillie

Offline (yesterday at 3:04am) | Search for a member

alliewillie

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 14328
  • Number of comments : 242
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

alliewillie's page activity

Visits<b>neveah_marie</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 1:24am<b>McDerpface</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 1:11am<b>HeatherFeatherB</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 9:58pm<b>jayeterror775</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 8:13pm<b>morlogg</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 2:56pm<b>lukeshyp</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 2:52pm<b>fourth_line_dust</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 4:09pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 9:49am<b>danthehuman</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 1:49pm<b>Voij</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 2:58am<b>TheBuraaQ</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 12:18am<b>eaglerob</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 11:12pm<b>sk8_king</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 11:08pm<b>Cacksonic</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 9:54pm<b>joeyl2008</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 8:40am<b>Fou_Lou</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 9:58am<b>WizardlyUnicorn</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 6:29pm<b>mylifebitches666</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 10:29pm

alliewillie's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of alliewillie's badges

alliewillie's favorite FMLs

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

#20953788
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55314) - you deserved it (4058)

On 11/11/2013 at 10:55am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

#20951750
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62524) - you deserved it (4588)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:30pm - intimacy - by f (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML

#20950805
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47467) - you deserved it (3911)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:54pm - misc - by zoe777 (woman) - United States

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

#20941049
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86274) - you deserved it (6180)

On 11/01/2013 at 3:01am - intimacy - by PapaW - United States (Utah)

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64652) - you deserved it (8561)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my husband told his mom that she can move in with us once his time in the army is over. We are moving into my house, and he didn't think it was important to run it by me first. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53072) - you deserved it (9085)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

#20925494
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53546) - you deserved it (5073)

On 10/18/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by O-|---<=~ (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

#20918730
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21586) - you deserved it (81366)

On 10/13/2013 at 10:38am - love - by not getting laid - United States (Texas)

Today, the creepy regular customer found out I was lying about having a boyfriend in order to keep him away. He now thinks this is me playing hard to get. FML

#20916055
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41035) - you deserved it (4622)

On 10/11/2013 at 2:09am - work - by Itsnotmeitsyou (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend won a diamond engagement ring through a citywide competition. Instead of proposing to me, he's selling it. FML

#20913492
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44950) - you deserved it (15217)

On 10/09/2013 at 3:03am - love - by arthise (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

#20910165
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49496) - you deserved it (13282)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Sleepy head - United States

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57070) - you deserved it (3374)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51338) - you deserved it (7132)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: