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alliewillie

Offline (the 12/15/2014 at 5:54am) | Search for a member

alliewillie

3Liked!

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  • Number of visits : 16894
  • Number of comments : 246
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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alliewillie's page activity

Visits<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 12/19/2014 at 9:28am<b>PresAgent</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 1:04am<b>DanboiRowe</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 12:07am<b>Jenra</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 10:13am<b>NebulaNick</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 11:43pm<b>TheOnlyMizLiv</b> - the 12/07/2014 at 9:32pm<b>needs2Bsaid</b> - the 12/07/2014 at 10:08am<b>shivamtrivedi</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 5:06am<b>Nooblah</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 4:16pm<b>Llama_Face89</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 3:45pm<b>DerpyPotatoes</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 3:28pm<b>lilbutton3</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 2:23pm<b>cmchappy</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 1:08pm<b>Paultheouctopus</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 12:33pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 12:23pm<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 10:53am<b>muis545</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 10:26am<b>pmnj19</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 10:24am

Liked!<b>robertd73</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 1:40pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 5:59am<b>AllKnowingTurtle</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 5:47am

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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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alliewillie's favorite FMLs

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

#21190698
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51752) - you deserved it (6630)

On 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

#21185495
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49345) - you deserved it (5494)

On 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42599) - you deserved it (4403)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

#21182017
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42250) - you deserved it (5101)

On 06/20/2014 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

#21157398
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60896) - you deserved it (6714)

On 05/30/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by lahiros (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

#21155508
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59149) - you deserved it (4566)

On 05/29/2014 at 2:46am - animals - by Idk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47756) - you deserved it (6589)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, thanks to my phone's shitty predictive text combined with me being half-asleep, I accidentally offered my heartbroken buddy "oral support" if he ever needs it. FML

#21151390
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45654) - you deserved it (8865)

On 05/25/2014 at 5:23pm - intimacy - by whoops (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

#21140956
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32854) - you deserved it (52609)

On 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

#21138042
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55832) - you deserved it (7140)

On 05/12/2014 at 7:49pm - love - by nofatchicks (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, me and the guy I was dating ran into my sister at the mall. He took one look at her and mumbled, "Great, I chose the ugly one" under his breath. FML

#21137666
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58578) - you deserved it (5682)

On 05/12/2014 at 12:01pm - love - by bambam - United States (Texas)

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

#21137630
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52134) - you deserved it (5117)

On 05/12/2014 at 10:38am - misc - by Lookalike (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

#21136990
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52637) - you deserved it (4913)

On 05/11/2014 at 6:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

#21076929
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41524) - you deserved it (4479)

On 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm - work - by Biologyfacepalm (woman) - United States

Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

#21075933
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43619) - you deserved it (6738)

On 03/02/2014 at 2:09pm - money - by Ms. Piggy (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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