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alliewillie's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
alliewillie's favorite FMLs
Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2015 at 12:11pm / Germany / Health
by Anonymous / 12/22/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, my 15 year-old brother told us his girlfriend is pregnant. He was taught in his abstinence-only sex ed that condoms don't prevent pregnancy. My parents are blaming her pregnancy on me, for not telling him the truth about sex, because parents giving their kids the sex talk is "too awkward." FML
by Serenadipity / 12/21/2015 at 10:37pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, the man I have been in a long-distance relationship with for 2 years told me he has been cheating on me for 6 months, and that he's leaving me for her. I'm due to fly out to see him next week on a non-refundable ticket. He insists that, "we can still hang out, just not have sex". FML
by Sadginger / 12/21/2015 at 6:45pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/17/2015 at 10:25pm / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/17/2015 at 8:59pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. At the right moment, I got down on one knee. As I was reaching into my pocket to get the ring, she got so freaked out she kicked me in the face. I chipped a tooth and the ring flew off, and now I can't find it. FML
by sothatsano / 12/16/2015 at 3:56am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML
by fmltom / 12/15/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, I came home early to surprise my boyfriend. I walked into our bedroom to find him in dressed completely in my clothes, and in makeup. It took me a moment to realize it was him and not a female intruder. FML
by ConfusedGirl / 12/15/2015 at 8:03am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Moth_Balled / 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm / Australia / Intimacy
Today, while in the airport waiting to board, I got the sudden urge to pee, so I ran to the bathroom feeling like my bladder was about to burst. I was so focused on relieving my bladder that I failed to notice the diarrhea covering the toilet seat and the wall behind it until I was sitting in it. FML
by sarahrachel / 12/14/2015 at 10:30pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/13/2015 at 6:47am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by alexa / 12/08/2015 at 12:14pm / Germany (Bayern) / Love
- Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He… Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter.… Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared…