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alliewillie

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alliewillie

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  • Number of visits : 18090
  • Number of comments : 251
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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alliewillie's page activity

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alliewillie's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of alliewillie's badges

alliewillie's favorite FMLs

Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML

#21296136
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42741) - you deserved it (4036)

On 11/10/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by SisterOfTard (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

#21294259
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53520) - you deserved it (2952)

On 11/07/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38179) - you deserved it (10767)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

#21289257
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34599) - you deserved it (2158)

On 10/31/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49166) - you deserved it (3474)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

#21276105
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38786) - you deserved it (4212)

On 10/12/2014 at 9:21am - intimacy - by MotherMary - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got married. It was a beautiful ceremony with all of our family and friends. Too bad it ended with us leaving the reception before dancing even started, since my groom couldn't stop bawling his eyes out from all the stress. FML

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

#21274726
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33822) - you deserved it (5120)

On 10/10/2014 at 1:52am - love - by Jasmine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

#21272098
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40888) - you deserved it (4271)

On 10/06/2014 at 3:46pm - love - by kittenfish8903 (woman) - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41639) - you deserved it (11325)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating a hot fudge sundae and I complained that the fudge was at the very bottom and I couldn't reach it with my spoon. My husband muttered "Fat girl problems." FML

#21260102
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36579) - you deserved it (11249)

On 09/17/2014 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

#21256842
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45444) - you deserved it (5616)

On 09/12/2014 at 9:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

#21252552
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46301) - you deserved it (2500)

On 09/05/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by almost governmental (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

#21252533
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15617) - you deserved it (36109)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42737) - you deserved it (3187)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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