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alliewillie's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
alliewillie's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were hanging out when he suddenly said, "Do you know who I think is the most beautiful girl in the world?" I prepared myself for a cute compliment, until he showed me a picture of another girl. FML
by storyofmylife / 06/09/2015 at 10:44pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love
Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2015 at 3:33pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/07/2015 at 12:21am / New Zealand (Gisborne) / Intimacy
Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML
by sad and hungry / 06/06/2015 at 10:37am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML
by nerderer / 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML
by W T F / 06/03/2015 at 3:22am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/02/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals
Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend detailing all the ways he loved me. He probably should have emphasized just how big his heart is though because he sent the text to three other women too. Thank you, group messaging. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML
by kash / 06/01/2015 at 2:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by TooLoud / 05/30/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML
by UN4 / 05/27/2015 at 12:25pm / United States / Work
Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML
by mobigomo / 05/27/2015 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm / Australia / Intimacy
by SOTS4335 / 05/16/2015 at 6:16pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/16/2015 at 1:46pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Miscellaneous
- Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…