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alliewillie

Offline (the 12/15/2014 at 5:54am) | Search for a member

alliewillie

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  • Number of visits : 16848
  • Number of comments : 246
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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alliewillie's page activity

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alliewillie's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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alliewillie's favorite FMLs

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

#21304265
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31094) - you deserved it (15412)

On 11/23/2014 at 1:10am - misc - by KilledTheMoment - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

#21303901
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37425) - you deserved it (4266)

On 11/22/2014 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Kilkenny)

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

#21301904
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38004) - you deserved it (2605)

On 11/19/2014 at 3:27am - love - by MissAggravared - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML

#21299071
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32549) - you deserved it (2199)

On 11/14/2014 at 5:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

#21297310
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34495) - you deserved it (4395)

On 11/11/2014 at 10:16pm - misc - by Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML

#21296136
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42692) - you deserved it (4031)

On 11/10/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by SisterOfTard (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

#21294259
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52296) - you deserved it (2941)

On 11/07/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37601) - you deserved it (10604)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

#21289257
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34546) - you deserved it (2154)

On 10/31/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49027) - you deserved it (3472)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

#21276105
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38596) - you deserved it (4201)

On 10/12/2014 at 9:21am - intimacy - by MotherMary - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got married. It was a beautiful ceremony with all of our family and friends. Too bad it ended with us leaving the reception before dancing even started, since my groom couldn't stop bawling his eyes out from all the stress. FML

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

#21274726
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33775) - you deserved it (5118)

On 10/10/2014 at 1:52am - love - by Jasmine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

#21272098
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40843) - you deserved it (4268)

On 10/06/2014 at 3:46pm - love - by kittenfish8903 (woman) - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39188) - you deserved it (9905)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)



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