Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

alliewillie

Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member

alliewillie

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13727
  • Number of comments : 242
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

alliewillie's page activity

Visits<b>fourth_line_dust</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 4:09pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 9:49am<b>danthehuman</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 1:49pm<b>Voij</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 2:58am<b>TheBuraaQ</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 12:18am<b>eaglerob</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 11:12pm<b>sk8_king</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 11:08pm<b>Cacksonic</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 9:54pm<b>joeyl2008</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 8:40am<b>Fou_Lou</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 9:58am<b>WizardlyUnicorn</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 6:29pm<b>mylifebitches666</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 10:29pm<b>VisheshSood</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 1:26pm<b>AVGIII</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 12:24pm<b>swharley</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 7:06am<b>MRP360</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 12:52am<b>decimater</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:58pm<b>inner_peace</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:47pm

alliewillie's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of alliewillie's badges

alliewillie's favorite FMLs

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

#21246644
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28618) - you deserved it (5192)

On 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

#21242605
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41363) - you deserved it (4924)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41891) - you deserved it (15809)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41188) - you deserved it (15240)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, the man I have been in love with for years came to me with a beautiful ring and a heartfelt proposal. Too bad it ended with an eager, "So do you think he'll say yes?" FML

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37645) - you deserved it (23074)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

#21233355
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48062) - you deserved it (18978)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

#21232769
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23362) - you deserved it (35879)

On 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm - work - by suspended (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML

#21232452
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35867) - you deserved it (5943)

On 08/08/2014 at 10:43am - misc - by freakedout (woman) - United States

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

#21229613
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47265) - you deserved it (3694)

On 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

#21229021
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42384) - you deserved it (4182)

On 08/04/2014 at 1:42am - health - by Ew?Really? (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52090) - you deserved it (3624)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

#21225439
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39105) - you deserved it (4343)

On 07/31/2014 at 1:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of class. Thinking I got away with it, I just kept doing my work until some kid across the room says, "I could have done better." FML

#21224311
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34341) - you deserved it (5909)

On 07/29/2014 at 11:49pm - work - by dealtit - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

#21224233
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38381) - you deserved it (6328)

On 07/29/2014 at 10:36pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: