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alliebaba7's favorite FMLs
by conbon123 / 04/29/2013 at 3:20am / United States (Oregon) / Animals
Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML
by danman / 04/14/2013 at 6:20pm / United States / Health
by Kate / 12/23/2012 at 3:24am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
by ayye_its_nikki / 12/19/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Lara / 08/03/2012 at 7:28am / Italy (Toscana) / Miscellaneous
Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 4:59pm / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Health
Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML
by jessmess / 08/01/2012 at 12:44pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss fired me for "fooling around" on my phone. I was looking for supplies for a surprise party we are throwing him for his birthday, and I didn't want to do it on my work computer because he has access to our history. Also, this happened during my lunch break. FML
by are you kidding me???? / 07/20/2012 at 12:58am / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML
by anonymous / 07/19/2012 at 7:56pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by LetItRip / 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had eight teeth removed in preparation for getting my braces fitted. My winter break will now consists of barely being able to sleep or eat, tasting blood, and looking like a goofy-ass chipmunk. FML
by Julie is in pain / 07/06/2012 at 1:11pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 9:38am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by audreyav / 06/30/2012 at 4:10am / United States (Oregon) / Animals
- Today, I went to the doctor's office, they did their regular check up, and found "odd red marks" on… Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up.… Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He…