allie5699

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allie5699

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 405
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About allie5699 : I, allie5699, am a very very silly little ladie(: hehehe

allie5699's FML badges

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

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allie5699's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to stop measuring his penis during our conversation. FML

by facepalm / 02/27/2012 at 6:06am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML

by . / 02/26/2012 at 7:02pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I told my girlfriend of two years that I love her. She replied, "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but can you just shut up?" FML

by music man / 02/24/2012 at 7:50pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 2:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML

by Djcc / 02/21/2012 at 1:03pm / United States / Love

Today, I couldn’t have a conversation with my fiancé unless it was about Dragon Ball Z. FML

by DBZ / 02/20/2012 at 10:53am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML

by Nicole / 02/19/2012 at 8:14pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML

by testesential / 12/13/2011 at 12:24pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML

by childdreamkiller / 12/08/2011 at 12:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML

by skrewedguy / 12/07/2011 at 10:33pm / United States / Health

Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML

by wayne / 12/07/2011 at 5:28am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 12:34am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML

by explainer / 11/08/2011 at 12:54pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

by lunarstrain / 11/08/2011 at 1:11am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy