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allie2590's favorite FMLs
by ParkerRommel / 01/26/2012 at 10:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got into an argument with my wife over how she spends too much time with her gay best friend. Now she says that if I want to ever get intimate with her again, I'll have to let her watch as I give him a striptease. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy
by ericane27 / 12/27/2011 at 2:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm / Australia / Health
by bosslady12 / 12/21/2011 at 1:10pm / United States / Work
by godhatesme / 12/10/2011 at 3:45am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:45am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML
by TheCrossingChick / 11/30/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
by Dani / 11/28/2011 at 7:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
by Anonymous / 11/13/2011 at 3:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by yum yogurt / 10/30/2011 at 4:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's the third day of my dad's revenge after he snapped over me supposedly using the word "duh" in every other sentence. He got his hands on my old recorder and has been playing it loudly and out of tune outside my room when I try to do my homework. My mom thinks this is hilarious. FML
by krystal / 10/26/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by titoutou222 / 10/22/2011 at 8:40am / France / Kids
by number2 / 10/17/2011 at 9:14pm / United States / Work
- Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a… Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got… Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we…