About alissa412 : I can usually be found making sarcastic comments, and attempting to collect badges (not sure why, something addicting about figuring out what they are)
alissa412's FML badges
You sure know how to party?
You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
alissa412's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/29/2009 at 3:52pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Soapy / 06/28/2009 at 3:23am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by toothfairy / 06/26/2009 at 10:20am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
by unicorn / 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML
by Anonymous / 06/09/2009 at 4:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by OhGeez / 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy
by Person / 06/07/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML
by boinger / 06/03/2009 at 1:23am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2009 at 7:13pm / United States (Delaware) / Work
Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML
by wtf. / 06/02/2009 at 12:46pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by crazystuff23 / 06/01/2009 at 12:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 06/01/2009 at 3:05am / Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was feeling rebellious, I decided to procrastinate instead of studying for my really important English test tomorrow. I was having a pretty good time until I realized my idea of procrastinating was cleaning my TI-83 graphing calculator with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2009 at 12:08am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
by sucks / 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
by Anonymous / 05/06/2009 at 2:04am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…