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alicia_was_here's favorite FMLs
Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 12:42am / United States (Nevada) / Kids
Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML
by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/22/2010 at 2:52pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 2:14am / United States / Intimacy
by itchybollos / 09/16/2010 at 5:04am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML
by FYouBoyfriend / 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Betchsadface / 07/13/2010 at 12:34am / United States / Animals
by Brinty / 03/13/2010 at 12:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by EpicUsername / 03/10/2010 at 8:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML
by Timv86 / 02/16/2010 at 3:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus…