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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3025
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!


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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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alice_in_mordor's favorite FMLs

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML


I agree, your life sucks (14264) - you deserved it (76538)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML


I agree, your life sucks (13531) - you deserved it (52871)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by paranoid (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML


I agree, your life sucks (92303) - you deserved it (241068)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29375) - you deserved it (100656)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50354) - you deserved it (17416)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML


I agree, your life sucks (64566) - you deserved it (12237)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:50pm - kids - by mylove (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML


I agree, your life sucks (55241) - you deserved it (19284)

On 04/14/2009 at 10:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML


I agree, your life sucks (71746) - you deserved it (21206)

On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39386) - you deserved it (94138)

On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (15863) - you deserved it (171867)

On 04/07/2009 at 7:46am - misc - by Brastro (man) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59122) - you deserved it (9387)

On 04/07/2009 at 3:08am - love - by no_leather_of_any_kind - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26527) - you deserved it (86437)

On 03/31/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Alex (man) - United States (Illinois)

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