Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

alice_in_mordor

Online | Search for a member

alice_in_mordor

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2688
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About alice_in_mordor : ....

alice_in_mordor's page activity

Visits<b>pickle682</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 1:25pm<b>giantsfan2010</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 12:54am<b>CreepinCow</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 1:54am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 11:46pm<b>noctali_Solstice</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 5:21pm<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 12:28pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 3:50pm<b>fmlnjd2013</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 12:47pm<b>CuriousYel1ow</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 11:10am<b>the_rad_brad47</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 11:38am<b>linemanjason</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 9:03pm<b>KeithTheGreat</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 11:03am<b>minimanion</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 12:14am<b>wtffml1979</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 10:16am<b>Cliff6pc</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 1:49pm<b>Holybatman</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 2:18am<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 10:12am<b>Niedermayer_20</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 9:15pm

Fucked!<b>AHzulu</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 5:46am<b>KeithTheGreat</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 4:03pm<b>cameronaka</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 4:50am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 12:35am<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 6:24am

alice_in_mordor's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of alice_in_mordor's badges

alice_in_mordor's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML

#2649932
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11888) - you deserved it (49831)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by paranoid (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89000) - you deserved it (234437)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28747) - you deserved it (99336)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

#1674851
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46670) - you deserved it (16437)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML

#1509670
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62215) - you deserved it (11630)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:50pm - kids - by mylove (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

#966989
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51751) - you deserved it (18262)

On 04/14/2009 at 10:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML

#909616
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67861) - you deserved it (19994)

On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

#869850
347 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38431) - you deserved it (92596)

On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

#850097
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13728) - you deserved it (161590)

On 04/07/2009 at 7:46am - misc - by Brastro (man) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

#849037
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58315) - you deserved it (9273)

On 04/07/2009 at 3:08am - love - by no_leather_of_any_kind - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML

#717975
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25066) - you deserved it (83758)

On 03/31/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Alex (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

#681492
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26698) - you deserved it (80746)

On 03/29/2009 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML

#665920
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33202) - you deserved it (86581)

On 03/28/2009 at 6:13pm - love - by WeezysBaby (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: