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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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alice_hmph

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alice_hmph
  • Town/Country : Burlington, Vermont
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 3 March 1991 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 600
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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alice_hmph's favorite FMLs

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

#4157667 (276)

I agree, your life sucks (32682) - you deserved it (19322)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML

#4156114 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (37736) - you deserved it (2711)

On 07/30/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by epicc1584 - United States (Maryland) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

#4000083 (152)

I agree, your life sucks (47980) - you deserved it (2887)

On 07/24/2009 at 5:04am - love - by Sally (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

#3998492 (232)

I agree, your life sucks (59268) - you deserved it (5183)

On 07/24/2009 at 3:04am - kids - by tony (man) - United States (California)

Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a ziploc filled with hair. It was his mustache I had been begging him to shave for months. FML

#3997843 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (27451) - you deserved it (14265)

On 07/24/2009 at 2:31am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that the four girls who I assumed were my girlfriends' good friends and whom she was always talking about were actually characters from the television show, "Sex and the City." My girlfriend has fictional friends. FML

#3980523 (144)

I agree, your life sucks (40449) - you deserved it (4314)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:16pm - love - by tubedout (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokemon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokemon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030 (321)

I agree, your life sucks (12877) - you deserved it (53038)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

#3934975 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (57757) - you deserved it (3796)

On 07/21/2009 at 5:38pm - intimacy - by Headphones (man) - United States

Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML

#3929849 (106)

I agree, your life sucks (43192) - you deserved it (4355)

On 07/21/2009 at 1:45pm - love - by sexychica (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years told me she was pregnant. I started freaking out, so she put her arm around me and said, "Don't worry, it's not yours". FML

#3928051 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (53436) - you deserved it (3398)

On 07/21/2009 at 12:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

#3921342 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (35221) - you deserved it (20225)

On 07/21/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by emperor (man) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

#3919884 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (68690) - you deserved it (4011)

On 07/21/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by fmjob (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML

#3906915 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (32489) - you deserved it (4660)

On 07/20/2009 at 2:45pm - kids - by Pooperscooper - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that even though my parents have been married for 21 years, our "family friend," who routinely accompanies us on family vacations, completes their threesome. Everyone in town has know for years, except for me and my older brother. FML

#3891505 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (39860) - you deserved it (1526)

On 07/19/2009 at 10:05pm - intimacy - by whitechocolate (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML

#3890479 (249)

I agree, your life sucks (35032) - you deserved it (13494)

On 07/19/2009 at 9:23pm - love - by DanceOnTheEdge (woman) - United States (New York)