alice39

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alice39

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  • Number of visits : 120
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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alice39's page activity

Visits<b>DWordHead16</b> - the 09/05/2013 at 9:02pm

alice39's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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alice39's favorite FMLs

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

by Poly24 / 08/27/2013 at 6:32am / Kids

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

by anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 2:12am / United States (Minnesota) / Geek

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't been to the dentist in two years and definitely doesn't plan on it because, "That's just how the government steals more money." FML

by RoyallyGrossedOut / 06/19/2013 at 3:22am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML

by Nutellalover / 10/19/2012 at 10:19am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Health

Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 5:13pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

by Allergic / 01/24/2012 at 12:31pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk saying "shut the f*ck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML

by Username / 12/13/2010 at 1:10pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML

by gibsonSG323 / 06/14/2010 at 7:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd just be roasting marshmallows all day and hanging out outside. Nope. It was a soul searching, "get closer to Jesus" camp. The first five hours were spent repeatedly praying and singing. I'm not a Christian. FML

by purple / 01/29/2010 at 6:22am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

by cc / 11/24/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

by thatsucks / 02/28/2009 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love

Today, I got a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was "so do you want to keep the mullet?". What mullet?! FML

by Noname / 01/30/2009 at 2:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous