About alibear7 : I'm cool shit.
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About alibear7 : I'm cool shit.
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alibear7's favorite FMLs
Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML
by Anonymous / 05/08/2009 at 10:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML
by Telemistake / 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML
by edhalen / 04/23/2009 at 3:47am / United States / Transportation
Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now. She replied, saying "Thats not funny. Some people actually look like that." I sent my real picture, and thought I actually looked pretty good in it. FML
by Anon / 04/21/2009 at 2:21pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
by whymommywhy / 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals
by crapgirl / 04/18/2009 at 7:11pm / United States (New York) / Health
by blutownie13 / 04/09/2009 at 6:11pm / United States / Love
Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML
by gotmon3y / 04/07/2009 at 12:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML
by effedfosh / 04/07/2009 at 12:53am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/03/2009 at 10:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML
by whatashame / 04/01/2009 at 1:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML
by Wmsys32pr9 / 03/30/2009 at 1:06am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML
by tehhotness / 03/27/2009 at 10:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML
by Anonymous / 03/24/2009 at 6:41am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…
- Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk… Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce… Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left…