About alibear7 : I'm cool shit.
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About alibear7 : I'm cool shit.
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alibear7's favorite FMLs
Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML
by malebonding / 08/17/2009 at 9:50am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML
by Steve / 08/16/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by jellybean_94 / 08/15/2009 at 12:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML
by auslander / 08/12/2009 at 4:13pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a serious discussion with my girlfriend of 11 months. I broke the news that I was diagnosed with Lymphoma and I needed her support through my treatments. Ten minutes after, I receive a text saying that she can't endure the pain and stress that I'm causing her, and that we're done. FML
by Very_Bad_Luck / 08/10/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML
by oshitdonotwant / 08/08/2009 at 9:42am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
by nikkrissa_04 / 08/07/2009 at 7:17am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 11:21am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm. While doing so she was lying on her back. I asked her: "How do you like that, baby?". She responded by asking where I bought the false ceiling and spotlights as she thought it would look good in her flat. She got bored instead of excited. FML
by Hopelesslover / 08/04/2009 at 5:03pm / Malta / Intimacy
Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML
by Alice / 08/01/2009 at 4:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML
by WiltedFlower / 07/31/2009 at 12:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML
by Anonymous / 07/30/2009 at 6:38am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by RupeeLink / 07/27/2009 at 7:33pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Love
by JennaMarie / 07/26/2009 at 11:16am / United States (Texas) / Love
- Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant.… Today, as I was mowing my neighbors lawn, I found the playboy magazine he left in his yard. I found… Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the…