About alibear7 : I'm cool shit.
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About alibear7 : I'm cool shit.
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alibear7's favorite FMLs
Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML
by issy / 09/21/2009 at 1:31am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was excited to see my ex-girlfriend. We had broken up while I was in Iraq and I wanted to try to get her back. I spent my first day back looking for a place to live while her and her new boyfriend got it on as I slept. I had chosen that apartment for us and paid for that bed. FML
by isuckatlyfe / 09/20/2009 at 1:04am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML
by Casden / 09/13/2009 at 11:57am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML
by tawnaciousd / 09/10/2009 at 2:35am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one he responded with, "that's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML
by m / 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm / United States / Love
Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML
by GhettoBeast / 09/08/2009 at 12:42am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Kids
by mrboston / 09/01/2009 at 7:44pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I told the guy I have been sort of dating that I want to connect emotionally before sleeping with him. He told me that he already had an emotional connection with his fiancée and was only interested in sleeping with me. FML
by MenSuck / 08/31/2009 at 11:56pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by Bee / 08/31/2009 at 12:28pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML
by sigh / 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
Today, for my birthday, my mom presented me with a $4,000 check to pay for my braces. I've been very self-conscious about my teeth for years. Everyone applauded and told me how happy they were for me. Later, my mom asked me for the check back. Apparently it was just meant to make her look good. FML
by crookedteeth / 08/27/2009 at 1:23pm / United States (Oregon) / Money
by embarassed_chick / 08/24/2009 at 3:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML
by Girl / 08/18/2009 at 8:23pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy
by Ahhwtf / 08/18/2009 at 7:47am / United States (Washington) / Health
- Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever… Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished…
- Today, as I swung my leg over the baby gate on the stairs my foot decided to make contact with the… Today, I have finished reading all 2365 pages of FML. I don't know what's worse. The fact that I'm… Today, I had sex for the first time lying on a deck chair outside of a house party. Just as I reach…