alexm501

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alexm501

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4622
  • Number of comments : 50
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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alexm501's page activity

Visits<b>vsinha</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 11:20pm<b>VivMarah</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 11:35pm<b>capscapscaps43</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 10:02pm<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 8:51pm<b>TyroneLeBron</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 11:27am<b>shanekicksass</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 9:45am<b>jb591</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 10:32am<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 10:17am<b>StarOfDoom</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 3:51pm<b>itta_pupu</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 7:21am<b>pinkblonde5</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 11:55am<b>ThatOneChick856</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 3:23pm<b>Stephanoze</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 12:32am<b>p_diddy77</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 1:10pm<b>JackAtPage</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 10:16am<b>ThatDerpyKid37</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 7:56am<b>c_wyld</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 4:03am<b>jessamaryann</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 2:11am

alexm501's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

alexm501's favorite FMLs

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

by Teaching26 / 05/15/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I was driving home from work when I was pulled over by a cop. She asked why I was being pulled over and figuring she knew I said, "For swerving because of my alcohol problem." I had a broken tail light. FML

by drewig / 05/10/2010 at 1:28am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

by Satan / 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

by anonymous / 03/06/2010 at 1:10am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I was late for work so I went to smash the side window with a big rock. The rock bounced off the window and into my face. FML

by chevysprint / 02/28/2010 at 12:36am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML

by Bilirubin / 02/20/2010 at 11:22am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I took my cat to the vet. He said he felt a strange lump that could be serious. I got really upset and picked her up, crying. The vet then told me I had to put her down. Absolutely devastated by having to euthanize my cat, I passed out. He meant I had to put her back on the table. FML

by sadcat / 02/06/2010 at 10:19am / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

by Karie-Rose / 02/06/2010 at 1:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

by nyu / 01/25/2010 at 1:33am / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

by Jumja / 01/15/2010 at 6:37am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

by PJ / 01/05/2010 at 9:06am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML

by GeorgiaBOYY / 01/04/2010 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML

by BrutallyBlonde / 12/30/2009 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Love