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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5905) - you deserved it (52741)
On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)
Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10129) - you deserved it (30095)
On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States
Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31534) - you deserved it (4511)
On 12/04/2011 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my husband asked me, "Why do you love me?" I spent the next five minutes spilling my heart and soul out to him. After I'd asked the same question, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "I don't." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42597) - you deserved it (2835)
On 11/28/2011 at 7:51am - love - by nirvana_mama157 - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28049) - you deserved it (8714)
On 11/22/2011 at 4:36am - intimacy - by toomuch (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27822) - you deserved it (4478)
On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9795) - you deserved it (43245)
On 11/15/2011 at 10:16am - kids - by Margo (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14816) - you deserved it (57595)
On 11/11/2011 at 10:53am - intimacy - by dumbassbuffet (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6902) - you deserved it (94012)
On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36031) - you deserved it (6103)
On 11/08/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by lunarstrain - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34204) - you deserved it (4782)
On 11/05/2011 at 9:43am - health - by rj93 - United Kingdom (Ballymena)
Today, at work I asked a cute, albeit slightly large customer, her name. Being hard of hearing, I thought she said "Porky" and asked her about it. Turns out she'd said Courtney. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19614) - you deserved it (7017)
On 11/02/2011 at 3:12am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24064) - you deserved it (5192)
On 10/25/2011 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by beccav23 - United States (Texas)
Today, I was sitting in my room while my mom was talking to my uncle. I had my door open. She said "Yeah my son doesn't know I have his phone password. Girls nowadays are real sluts." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21503) - you deserved it (5921)
On 10/23/2011 at 1:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14364) - you deserved it (26870)
On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Monday 17 June 2013
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