Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

alejazz95

Search for a member

alejazz95
  • Town/Country : chicago, illinois
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 August 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1245
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About alejazz95 : Ello puppet :)
The name is alex,
i'm the type of girl who'd be playin my 360 instead of shoppin. i play piano, i can draw, i listen to all kinds of music (but mostly mexican music), and i watch wrestling. i'm not into the whole "lovy dovy" crap because it's annoying. i don't act like a girl but i still dress like one. enough said, bye love :)

alejazz95's last visitors

the_rude_duderugbyguyPitbull305ChucklesTheClownbiggee531FreezeFarionralletsdanzalilauer13

alejazz95's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of alejazz95's badges

alejazz95's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

#17934817
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45304) - you deserved it (7055)

On 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML

#17934685
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15737) - you deserved it (22943)

On 10/08/2011 at 11:36am - misc - by anonymous - Sri Lanka

Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

#17857162
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32033) - you deserved it (1708)

On 09/28/2011 at 5:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

#17853519
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32257) - you deserved it (2560)

On 09/28/2011 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Sabraynay -

Today, while walking in the city with my little sister, she let go of my hand. Not wanting to lose her, I quickly tried to grab it back. That resulted in me grabbing some 50 year old man's junk. FML

#17408229
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33202) - you deserved it (5683)

On 08/08/2011 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by Sharee K. - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sneezed so violently that my tampon came out. FML

#17227905
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57001) - you deserved it (6812)

On 07/23/2011 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Sarah - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66662) - you deserved it (6941)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

#16794914
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44063) - you deserved it (6900)

On 06/22/2011 at 4:13am - intimacy - by fmlguy382 - United States

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

#16432194
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18977) - you deserved it (60904)

On 05/31/2011 at 7:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

#15934305
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42383) - you deserved it (5390)

On 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by Scarlett - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML

#15555726
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32496) - you deserved it (7714)

On 03/30/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by kingpin7 - United States

Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children". FML

#15370334
369 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39599) - you deserved it (8929)

On 03/18/2011 at 5:40pm - misc - by Jonathan (man) - Denmark (Midtjyllen)

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

#15281187
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41617) - you deserved it (7285)

On 03/12/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

#15127410
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50365) - you deserved it (4400)

On 02/26/2011 at 3:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

#15079652
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18725) - you deserved it (30469)

On 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by CutieBooty (woman) - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: