alejazz95

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alejazz95

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 August 1995 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2293
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About alejazz95 : Ello puppet :)
The name is alex,
i'm the type of girl who'd be playin my 360 instead of shoppin. i play piano, i can draw, i listen to all kinds of music (but mostly mexican music), and i watch wrestling. i'm not into the whole "lovy dovy" crap because it's annoying. i don't act like a girl but i still dress like one. enough said, bye love :)

alejazz95's page activity

Visits<b>somethingstupd</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 9:54pm<b>Hadreus</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 2:03pm<b>DeadlySkater</b> - the 10/20/2013 at 5:51pm<b>rugbyguy</b> - the 08/04/2013 at 11:51pm<b>Pitbull305</b> - the 12/23/2012 at 12:29am<b>ChucklesTheClown</b> - the 10/24/2011 at 12:04pm<b>biggee531</b> - the 10/11/2011 at 7:02am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:14pm<b>TheIndieStar</b> - the 09/08/2011 at 3:49pm<b>Farion</b> - the 08/03/2011 at 10:59am<b>rallets</b> - the 05/05/2011 at 9:33pm<b>danza</b> - the 05/05/2011 at 7:06am<b>lilauer13</b> - the 05/02/2011 at 8:04am<b>nates0210</b> - the 01/09/2011 at 8:50pm<b>tooLONGforYOU</b> - the 10/20/2010 at 5:10am

alejazz95's FML badges

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alejazz95's favorite FMLs

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML

by lolwut / 01/15/2012 at 1:17pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

by joeshmoe / 01/15/2012 at 7:52am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

by flowerchildd2 / 12/12/2011 at 6:17pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML

by Surprisebuttsecks? / 12/06/2011 at 11:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

by hitintheeye / 11/26/2011 at 10:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I introduced my Chinese-born girlfriend to the rest of the family. My uncle immediately blurted out, "He's dating a communist." FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm / United States / Kids

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

by blabla / 10/28/2011 at 9:30am / Brazil / Miscellaneous

Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2011 at 11:48pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

by mew / 10/25/2011 at 2:04pm / Canada / Kids

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML

by beccav23 / 10/25/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML

Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML

by cduran2011 / 10/14/2011 at 11:23am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

by G / 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous