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akma89

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akma89

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  • Number of visits : 465
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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akma89's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28728) - you deserved it (6176)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

#20102773
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11129) - you deserved it (22319)

On 10/05/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by OhMeGerd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

#20086118
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18362) - you deserved it (1904)

On 09/24/2012 at 1:07am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

#20084737
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20045) - you deserved it (8251)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm quite ill. My new step-mother believes that the genetic wheat allergy I got from my mother would have gone away since she's now married to my father instead. Looks like dad picked a winner. FML

#20057050
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27324) - you deserved it (1467)

On 09/04/2012 at 4:53am - misc - by hooligyn123 - United States

Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML

#19780392
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24747) - you deserved it (2048)

On 06/13/2012 at 2:13am - misc - by eww - Austria (Wien)

Today, my Dad and I killed a cockroach with a large metal pole. It was the most bonding experience we have ever had. FML

#19566407
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16665) - you deserved it (1920)

On 05/02/2012 at 11:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML

#19264126
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26191) - you deserved it (5681)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by yamsterr (man) - United States

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

#19156948
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7573) - you deserved it (40251)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML

#18196154
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35362) - you deserved it (5742)

On 11/08/2011 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

#18135742
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26688) - you deserved it (3176)

On 11/02/2011 at 1:06am - misc - by steve-o - United States

Today, I was getting ready to perform a speech in anthropology on the globalization of public transportation and how it brings cultures together. On the bus ride there, the girls behind me were discussing ways to hide their track marks after injecting. FML

#17868500
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18941) - you deserved it (2387)

On 09/30/2011 at 12:50am - work - by nearlythere - Australia

Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML

#17734062
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26116) - you deserved it (3051)

On 09/13/2011 at 1:53am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

#17666764
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24240) - you deserved it (12560)

On 09/05/2011 at 12:38am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

#17666764
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24240) - you deserved it (12560)

On 09/05/2011 at 12:38am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)



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