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Today... some pig slappd my ass as e passd me in te street... ten lookd back at me wit a drty grin. His grin turnd to orroren e realizd tat I'm actually a guy... ten to anger as e bitcd me out 4 "tricking" im by "looking like a cick". fat FML
Today, It's The Last Day Of Mah Sign Language Class . At The End Of The Class, Mah Teacher Surprised Us By Speaking Fir The Frst Time, Also Surprising Everyone That She Wasn't Actually Deaf . It Wouldn't Have Been So Bad Had I Not Just Given Someone An Answer To The Test, Thinking She Couldn't Hear Me . Fat FML
Today My Grlfriend Told Me That She Is Pregnant. I Askd How It Could Be Possible , Since She's On Brth Control. She Said She Didn't Know Her Antibiotics Would Interfere With It. She's A Pharmacist. FML
Today, I watchd mah father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He trid to play it cool, said, "Haircuts r too expensive these days anyway." and walkd out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. big fat FML
TODAY... MY COUSIN STARTED SENDING SARCASTIC LOVE MESSAGES TO ME. I REPLIED... WITH EVEN CHEESIER LINES. THEN SHE RANG ME SAYING SHE WAS SO GLAD I FELT THE SAME WAY. TURNS OUT SHE WASN'T BIENG SARCASTIC. FML
yesterday I was proud when I startd a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML
Today, I Got Into A Fight With My Mother. Her Idea Of A Birthday Present To Me Is Buying Me A Husband. Yes, Buying. She Told An Asshat She Found Online About My Trust Fund, And Now There Both Trying To Put Together "the Wedding Of The Millennium". She Still Doesn't Understandhy I'm Mad. FML
YESTERDAY MAH BOYFRIEND ACCUSED ME OF CHEATING CUZ ACCORDING TO HIM, OUR CHILD DOES NOT HAVE HIS HAIR COLOR, EYE COLOR, OR OTHER FACIAL FEATURES. OUR SON IS FIVE DAYS OLD, BALD AND HASN'T OPENED HIS EYES MUCH. THE CLOSEST THING I CAN PROBABLY COMPARE HIM TO IS AN OLD, WRINKLY POTATO. FML
Today, I took ma grlfriend out to eat at a diner were ma friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk muc. He texted me after we'd left to tell me tat ma grlfriend ad slipped im er number. FML
Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decidd to mess with husband . When he got off work, I said, "The lady from yur office calld and said she was pregnant . From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, fetus already has a sibling . FML
Friday 27 March 2015