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Today, my girlfriend called me and told me "she has a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So, I hurried home only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
by syn1734 / 10/16/2009 at 1:33pm / United States / Animals
by mandinga / 09/06/2009 at 5:35pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Hairball / 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work
by wtf / 07/12/2009 at 12:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by tvaladie / 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML
by thankskimi / 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by ihavepinkbackpac / 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
by thatsucks / 02/28/2009 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love
by DB / 02/22/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Mick / 02/20/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Mofisto / 02/15/2009 at 5:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
by Shamu / 02/13/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love
- Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump.… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the…