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aholttt's FML badges
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aholttt's favorite FMLs
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by JamiesMom / 05/13/2013 at 12:29am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by howaboutno / 03/14/2013 at 5:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML
by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
by me. / 12/01/2012 at 9:54am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2009 at 7:09pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
by Anonymous / 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
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- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…