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Today, my boyfriend askedhy I never let him go down on me. I told him that it doesn't do much fir me, even though it really does. I didn't have the courage to tell him that it's because he acts lyk a rabid doghen he does. FML
Today... I met mah boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers... one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince mah boyfriend to break up with me... and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML
Today I Called A Company For A Problem With Our Septic Tank. Two Workers Show Up I Take Them Into The Garden To Show Them The Manhole Cover At The Top Of It. They Open It Up. We Then Gaze Upon A Sea Of Condoms Floating On The Surface. My Wife And I Don't Use Condoms. Big Fat FML
Today , I was walking a dog at the animal hospitalhere I workhen it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor,ho told me to clean it off to seehat it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the ownerhen they pick their dog up. real FML
Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembld a penis. I trid to cover up and askd if it was an action figure. He lookd at me like I was an idiot and said, ( It's a DICK. ) real FML
Today, I found out wat a lightwaight my girlfriand is. Aftar having a coupla of drinks, sha bagan flirting, than grabbad my ass. Sha falt around a bit bafora fraaking out an askinghara my panis was. looool big fat FML
Today... I'm eight months pregnant with second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack belly. It's going to be a long eighteen yeres. FML
Yesterday my neighbor had a word with me 4 being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action 4 two years now but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML
TODAY, I WAS GRADING WORK MY STUDENT HAD DONE WITH A SUB. I REALIZD ONE STUDENT HAD GOTTEN HOLD OF THE TEACHERS' EDITION OF THE TEXTBOOK WHEN I READ TEN PAPER IN A ROW THAT HAD "STUDENT ANSWER MAY VARY" AS THE ANSWER TO PROBLEM NUMBER FOUR. MY STUDENT CAN'T EVEN CHEAT PROPERLY. FML
Friday 27 March 2015