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adamaemae's FML badges
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adamaemae's favorite FMLs
Today, an elderly lady sat next to me on a bench, and started telling me out of the blue about how bad it is to have saggy boobs. I was uncomfortable enough at the unwanted info, without her then looking at my chest and adding, "But I expect you already know that, dear." FML
by madamefuxalittle / 07/08/2014 at 4:52pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML
by oh shit / 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML
by TheKingKen / 07/01/2014 at 8:33pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML
by BaWanda / 06/30/2014 at 7:39pm / United States (California) / Kids
by stop thief / 06/26/2014 at 11:11am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 06/25/2014 at 7:38pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love
by NehNehPwn / 06/24/2014 at 11:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anon / 06/23/2014 at 7:13pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML
by icandothecancan / 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
by LoveGlove / 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2014 at 11:15am / United States (Colorado) / Health
by stopinthenameoflove / 06/19/2014 at 10:37am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/19/2014 at 10:33am / United States (California) / Love
by guest / 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
- Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact,… Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided… Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me,…