Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

acknerr

Search for a member

acknerr

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 52
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

acknerr's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of acknerr's badges

acknerr's favorite FMLs

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11965) - you deserved it (28141)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37307) - you deserved it (4010)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I realized that something's wrong when you have to go to a mental hospital for a family reunion. FML

#19367140
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24449) - you deserved it (1780)

On 03/28/2012 at 10:53pm - misc - by neverthesame - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

#19263580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34925) - you deserved it (5453)

On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

#18134142
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31322) - you deserved it (14679)

On 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by HOe HOe HOe (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, on my first day of being a trainee teacher in a classroom, I told a boy to stop using that stupid accent or else I'll give him a detention. Turns out he just moved here from Romania. FML

#18014852
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8346) - you deserved it (67033)

On 10/18/2011 at 12:08pm - kids - by KillMeNow (man) - United Kingdom (Sefton)

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

#16499579
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14240) - you deserved it (42271)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by Flarewolf (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML

#15026784
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22812) - you deserved it (8952)

On 02/18/2011 at 10:25am - misc - by Shodan2112 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

#13896400
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36831) - you deserved it (12458)

On 11/19/2010 at 2:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I finally decided to do regular biology rather than honors biology, thinking honors would be too hard. My first day in regular biology, my lab partner asked me whether a rock was alive or not. FML

Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML

#12552368
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44140) - you deserved it (4451)

On 08/16/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

#7753235
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26237) - you deserved it (4252)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by JK (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

#1387325
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24118) - you deserved it (121302)

On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: