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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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acertijo

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acertijo
  • Town/Country : Arg
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 2 January 1994 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 63401
  • Number of comments : 58
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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acertijo's favorite FMLs

Today, I was home alone in the shower when in the opening of the curtain, I could see a man in a ski mask. I passed out, hit my head on the tub. I then found out it was my dad pulling a prank on me. I almost died cause my dad wanted to see me scream like a girl. FML

#3393959 (188)

I agree, your life sucks (40022) - you deserved it (3022)

On 07/01/2009 at 12:31pm - misc - by dfan13 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said "Eww!". The boy then asks, "What's "ew" mean?". I replied with, "Something gross and yucky". Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!". FML

#2658966 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (42473) - you deserved it (5949)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:23pm - kids - by EwFace (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (71610) - you deserved it (13641)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

#1980136 (407)

I agree, your life sucks (48352) - you deserved it (37867)

On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

#1489394 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (10379) - you deserved it (62974)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML

#1489175 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (46574) - you deserved it (14690)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Em (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

#1485215 (493)

I agree, your life sucks (81558) - you deserved it (11208)

On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML

#1479634 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (37142) - you deserved it (6954)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:51am - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML

#1354173 (207)

I agree, your life sucks (59057) - you deserved it (18935)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425 (667)

I agree, your life sucks (402646) - you deserved it (26886)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, for Easter my brother & sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

#924153 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (94153) - you deserved it (3818)

On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347 (416)

I agree, your life sucks (27655) - you deserved it (92104)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

#837103 (577)

I agree, your life sucks (40695) - you deserved it (114308)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)