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aceradmatt

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aceradmatt

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aceradmatt's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37879) - you deserved it (3363)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

#7631341
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31802) - you deserved it (6385)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by Crap (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

#5355612
482 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19359) - you deserved it (240062)

On 09/19/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by MgmEboy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

#5087791
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15452) - you deserved it (47407)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

#5022453
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25384) - you deserved it (37589)

On 09/03/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Whoops (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

#5021908
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14897) - you deserved it (64596)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

#4933603
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54170) - you deserved it (4338)

On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

#4306475
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (116106) - you deserved it (4587)

On 08/05/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, I grabbed onto the fence in an attempt to soften my fall. The fence was electric. FML

#4206061
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51731) - you deserved it (4138)

On 08/01/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by Electronotfriend (woman) - Poland (Pomorskie)

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57265) - you deserved it (17208)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML

#3982111
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46067) - you deserved it (4926)

On 07/23/2009 at 4:23pm - work - by bossgroper (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35445) - you deserved it (94212)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

#3610078
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11830) - you deserved it (51838)

On 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML

#3601601
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49586) - you deserved it (2848)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:49am - misc - by frankfukhergood - Canada



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