aboveandbeyondav

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aboveandbeyondav

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 29 May 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5264
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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aboveandbeyondav's page activity

Visits<b>wideh2ogirl</b> - the 05/08/2009 at 4:27pm

aboveandbeyondav's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

aboveandbeyondav's favorite FMLs

Today, I had an interview for a job in a professor's lab. He seemed like a really nice, grandfatherly old guy. We got up to go take a look around the lab, and he held out his arms really wide to me... so I went in for a hug. Turns out he was just gesturing for me to go through the door first. FML

by Kylene / 04/23/2009 at 3:51pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

by snotface / 04/23/2009 at 3:47pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I sent my boyfriend of three and a half years a text message spilling my heart out, saying I'll love him forever, and how much I appreciate him in my life, that I want to be the mother of his children, etc. His text back to me? "Are you drunk?!?" FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2009 at 9:35am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

by waitforit / 04/23/2009 at 7:42am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

by DBR / 04/23/2009 at 6:45am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

by rejected / 04/23/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2009 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

by WTF / 04/22/2009 at 3:46pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

Today, my shower is being renovated so I decided to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML

by hairball / 04/21/2009 at 8:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was running the register at my work and this big lady pulls her wad of cash out of her bra and hands it to me. The bills she handed me were moist. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2009 at 2:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

by anonymous / 04/21/2009 at 1:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

by whymommywhy / 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2009 at 1:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, the $300 ring my boyfriend gave me for my birthday slipped off my finger... into the toilet. I had to sift through my own poo to get it back. FML

by ohhelllllno / 04/20/2009 at 6:05am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Love

Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML

by Litterbox / 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm / United States (Texas) / Health

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