Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

aboveandbeyondav

Search for a member

aboveandbeyondav
  • Town/Country : greensboro, usa
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 29 May 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 3680
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

aboveandbeyondav's last visitors

aboveandbeyondav's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

aboveandbeyondav's favorite FMLs

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

#1770571
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19652) - you deserved it (44035)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

#1749459
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (126021) - you deserved it (11792)

On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

#1737355
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53258) - you deserved it (11234)

On 05/07/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

#1727113
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79652) - you deserved it (4037)

On 05/07/2009 at 6:39pm - love - by Joey (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

#1719751
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42369) - you deserved it (3717)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:15pm - work - by nojob (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

#1719560
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105543) - you deserved it (4867)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML

#1714959
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42243) - you deserved it (11239)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:50am - kids - by spanishteach (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25103) - you deserved it (92286)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dad texted me and told me "I love u." I answer back with "I love you too dad...are you drunk?" and he answers back "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML

#1696810
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61937) - you deserved it (4500)

On 05/06/2009 at 6:04pm - love - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

#1694711
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59542) - you deserved it (5369)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

#1690188
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90303) - you deserved it (19963)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

#1683242
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54755) - you deserved it (19119)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

#1681747
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57906) - you deserved it (6718)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

#1667670
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38754) - you deserved it (24382)

On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

#1656841
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147227) - you deserved it (8458)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22am - money - by Fitz (man) - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: