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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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abcdefgh

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abcdefgh
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 25088
  • Number of comments : 105
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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abcdefgh's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

#5629622 (170)

I agree, your life sucks (14888) - you deserved it (3119)

On 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

#5509745 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (13192) - you deserved it (1733)

On 09/27/2009 at 4:57pm - intimacy - by e11ie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while shopping at Victoria's Secret with my friend, I saw a man holding a lacy bra up to his chest. When my friend and I passed by, I whispered, "Ew, what is that perv doing?" The "guy" immediately turned around and snarled, "I'm a woman, you little bitch," and threw her bra at my face. FML

#4990557 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (7122) - you deserved it (42959)

On 09/02/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by lifeishorrible (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

#2009053 (704)

I agree, your life sucks (120445) - you deserved it (28815)

On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

#1749459 (235)

I agree, your life sucks (91766) - you deserved it (7456)

On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

#1687586 (89)

I agree, your life sucks (10256) - you deserved it (42223)

On 05/06/2009 at 10:07am - animals - by pissedoffandon (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117 (263)

I agree, your life sucks (14521) - you deserved it (90380)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML

#1489175 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (46576) - you deserved it (14693)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Em (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

#1454784 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (55882) - you deserved it (3453)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:30pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

#1413224 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (46120) - you deserved it (3706)

On 04/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML

#1347593 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (8160) - you deserved it (57250)

On 04/26/2009 at 4:12am - misc - by waltzy777 - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

#1280254 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (6664) - you deserved it (43023)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815 (200)

I agree, your life sucks (27965) - you deserved it (70771)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was masturbating to a video a friend sent me. The girls were hot, walking out on a stage doing all sorts of sexy manuevers. The video was close to ending and the announcer in the video announced the winner. His name was Dan. It was a drag competition. My friend knew I'd whack off to it. FML

#1097922 (216)

I agree, your life sucks (19760) - you deserved it (86636)

On 04/18/2009 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by Masterbater (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then walked into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poking his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML

#878433 (735)

I agree, your life sucks (29260) - you deserved it (210182)

On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)