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aastemay's FML badges
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aastemay's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML
by jeoak / 01/30/2013 at 12:25pm / India / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 01/30/2013 at 5:13am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML
by protoplasm stole my seat / 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML
by teacher / 01/25/2013 at 12:25am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML
by Rhine / 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm / Barbados (Saint Michael) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm / Ireland (Waterford) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML
by Emily / 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by reedcarter / 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/28/2012 at 1:32am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML
by Eganstein / 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by bacon lovers worst nightmare / 09/26/2012 at 2:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…