Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 08/08/2014 at 3:58am) | Search for a member
About _streets_ : Hmm.. Do people even read this? I'm not really sure what to write in here but to further enlighten those of you who were intrigued enough either by my comment or my photo, here is a list of things that I quite like: Apples, Music, Rugby, Hockey, Criminal Minds, system of a down, Bones, Horses, Snowmobiling, Def leppard, Quadding, Chicken, Horror movies, Tae kwon do, Guitar, Art, My dogs (Rottweilers), Ice cream, Jackass, Humor, MGK, Trucks, Reading, Zombies, Sleep, The winter/cold, Makeup, Whiskey, The color green (specifically lime green), I prefer Popsicle's to freezies, And pancakes to waffles. Gore, Lord Of The Rings, Step Brothers, Harry potter, Camping, Red dragon, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rob Dyrdek, Johnny Knoxville, UFC, Adam Sandler, Motocross, The Dudesons, Vodka, Nitro circus, The Oilers > 19 years young, Canadian eh.. I hope to be a coroner in the future because dead bodies interest me :) cheers!
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Monday 1 September 2014