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_mystique_

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  • Number of visits : 2416
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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_mystique_'s favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

#14806356
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42612) - you deserved it (7873)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's whole family. Between them they had about 10 teeth. FML

#13770099
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32152) - you deserved it (4558)

On 11/08/2010 at 9:25pm - love - by unknown - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

#13574162
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32078) - you deserved it (2877)

On 10/24/2010 at 8:21am - misc - by mzgabbster (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML

#13274666
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26859) - you deserved it (5368)

On 10/01/2010 at 9:06am - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I was changing in the back seat of my new truck when it started to roll backwards. In my haste to reach the brake, I hit my head and fell face first into the steering wheel. I then realized that it wasn't rolling. The car next to me was just pulling out. FML

#13223022
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10237) - you deserved it (25509)

On 09/27/2010 at 3:22pm - misc - by milhouse86 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

#13198134
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32947) - you deserved it (3826)

On 09/25/2010 at 5:49pm - misc - by huj - United States (Texas)

Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML

#13157318
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44212) - you deserved it (9755)

On 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML

#13118537
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14347) - you deserved it (39202)

On 09/19/2010 at 8:07pm - misc - by whitefox123 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while cleaning behind a ladder, I banged my head on one of the hand rails. I stood up, cursed, and moved to the other side. To my luck, I hit the other side of my head. I now have two lumps perfectly placed as horns on my head. FML

#13086565
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18585) - you deserved it (6054)

On 09/17/2010 at 2:37pm - work - by login_eddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

#13075106
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20779) - you deserved it (11921)

On 09/16/2010 at 4:06pm - misc - by locker (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

#13035925
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19744) - you deserved it (5519)

On 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

#13035925
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19744) - you deserved it (5519)

On 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30999) - you deserved it (28051)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML

#13024683
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6402) - you deserved it (36929)

On 09/12/2010 at 8:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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